Video Blog: Hit the Books … and Then the Ball

“My son is starting high-school in a couple of weeks and he wants to play soccer for the school team.  I want him to enjoy himself and meet friends, but I’m concerned about the toll all those hours of practice might have on his grades.  He hasn’t given me any reasons to be worried and says he understands the commitment to both grades and sports, but I’m having a hard time.” - Martin

Martin, thanks for sending this particularly topical question as the entire Parents ‘R’ Talking family will be in school this fall and one of my recent reads is on this subject (hint: First-year students will require one wand, one cauldron).

I’ll skip the studies that correlate higher levels of education to higher income, happiness, reduced drug-use and reduced teen-pregnancy. But it’s clear that learning is a critical aspect of maturing into happy and responsible adults. 

Just as there are different types of intelligence, learning has many aspects. That being said, high school is an important time for schooling to be the highest priority. As young people mature, solid grades help keep future options available. 

However, extracurricular activities are important in their own right, whether it’s spending time honing a special gift in sports or music, or having fun and meeting friends. These activities help children become more confident, healthier, happier, build teamwork skills, increase sense of belonging and decrease chances of dropping out.

This age is a prudent time for an “adult” approach to life balance, priorities and time management. Before high-school, children can play, explore and perhaps have a less-disciplined approach to school, whereas in high school the expectations are higher.

The keys to dealing with this situation are involvement and communication. Become involved by discussing expectations for the school year. Reflect on what did and didn’t work with the previous year’s study habits (see a recent Psychology Today article, “Importance of Setting Expectations about Study Habits”) -- this approach allows children to feel more responsible and involved in their academic performance.

Some excellent discussion points:

• How soon can you determine if you're putting enough time into studying?
• If you need to put in more time, where will it come from?
• How do you plan to avoid temptations (video games, dating and social media)?

Be sensitive to pressure on children and the amount of activities. Let them switch activities, as it's important to try new things and switching is a normal aspect of that process.

I endorse finishing an activity with which they started, but allow switching when completed.

This topic reminded me of a Fast Company article called "Cramming for College in Beijing." It discusses the stifled options of Chinese high-schools. “Students' lives are remarkably devoid of choice and of what might be classified in American high school culture as "fun." Classes are picked for them. Dating is forbidden. Fashion is largely irrelevant. Extracurricular activities are scripted by teachers.

Countries with the world’s most “educated” youth are jealous of what is fostered in the American education system, the creativity and balance between conventional study and other learning opportunities.

Please feel free to leave your comments below and send you’re parenting questions (and curiosities/observations) to Rich.ParentsRTalking@gmail.com

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