Video Blog: Parental Guilt

In my profession the subject always comes up about the time a parent spends with their child. I hear it, from one side of the spectrum (I don’t see my children enough) to the other (I can’t wait to get a break from my kids). With each family I work with on this topic, the same common binding thread is woven into each of us, GUILT!

I tell each parent, “If you do your best to consistently react to your child with love and respect in each situation, then you (the parent) should be able to let go of your guilt.” Whatever may be happening - whether it be your daily routine, play-time, a discipline situation or experiencing something new with your child - as long as your reaction is coming from a place of love and respect, then your child will know this and value the relationship you have cultivated with them.

I would like to give you three examples of how to incorporate this concept into your everyday life:

Smile - Be conscience of the look on your face each time you look at your child. When you are simply spending “everyday time” with your child what’s on your mind? Work? Bills? Worries? Your child, however, is only thinking of the “here and now.” So if you have a serious look on your face, they might think you are responding to them with a critique or correction at that very moment. I understand that you are going to have other things on your mind, but also keep your child in mind when they are around. A simple smile will reassure them that your relationship with them is alright.

Discipline - Always be firm when you are disciplining but let the fact that you still love them come through. NEVER tell them that they are bad. Always make it about the action that you did not like. Such as saying, “Daddy does not like it when there is water all over the bathroom.” Follow that up with, “Let’s think of ways that you can play with water that will not leave the bathroom all wet and that will be okay with daddy.” After talking about it for a moment say, “Let’s clean up the bathroom together (or they can do it on their own if age appropriate) and then find something else to do.” This whole time you can have a serious look on your face, but let the kindness come through too. (By the way, if the bathroom is flooded, first clean and then talk to your child.)

Laughter - When I have asked children, “What is the most fun you have had with your Mommy/Daddy?" most of the time they will tell of a common fun or funny moment that has happened during a typical day. One 6 year old said, “I like it when I lay on the couch with my Mommy in the afternoon (on weekends) and we talk and make faces at each other and then Mommy tickles me.” Another little boy said he likes it when his Daddy and Mommy play the “Chase” game with him. His parents would simply chase him around the house, all the while trying to catch him, pretend to eat his toes and let him run off again for another round of play. These kids are not saying the yearly, stressful trip to the big amusement park, but rather the everyday fun (connecting).

Here is my dose of medicine to help cure you of your parental guilt:

Make sure each day your first interaction with your child goes something like this…Get down to their level, open your arms up wide, smile at them, give them a big hug that lifts them off their little feet and tell them that you love them. Then try your best to keep these happy feelings going throughout your day. And end the day with this same embrace. Now let the guilt melt away.

Please share your “Parental Guilt” stories in the comments section below.

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(Editor's Note: The opinions in this article are those of Parents “R” Talking. The opinions are not medical advice. Always consult your pediatrician about any changes you are contemplating.)

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