Video Blog: The Squeaky Kid Gets the Attention

I have been noticing a pattern in our morning routines. Walter gets up at the crack of dawn and is ready to start his day. Depending on how early it is I will either lie down with him in his bed or cuddle with him on the couch. This has become our daily one-on-one time (as mentioned in last week’s article). Eventually Bella will come shuffling out of bed with her blanket in tow and sit down next to us. Often she seemed as if she was in a bad mood. She would vocalize this by exclaiming, “I am having a tough day.”

As I was recently recounting this morning routine with a friend, it began to dawn on me that I was describing (passing judgment on) Walter as being needy and Bella as the more independent type. Then a memory popped into my head. There was a point in my teen years when my younger sister Tammy would get up early in the morning and sit with my mother while she was having her morning coffee. I remember being very jealous of this quality time that they shared.

I remember every morning; I would act aggressively toward the two of them, but mostly my sister. Back then I was too young and inexperienced to see that I needed to ask for that same type of one-on-one attention. But, then again, my mother was not able to see that my negative behavior might be something that she could be causing. We both lacked the ability to step out of ourselves and try to imagine what the other may be going through; this is called, “empathy.” I even remember her description of me at that time, “Becky is moody. She likes to keep to herself.” Looking back I now realize that what I needed was a one-on-one connection with her, hence the reason for my moodiness. Without that bonding time, I would act out and this would push her away. So the cycle would continue.

Recently, I decided to try something new in our morning routine. When Walter woke at 5 a.m., I laid down with him for about a half hour or so then he was ready to get up to play. I told him he could play with his car track and cars and that I would be out soon. I then laid down with Bella for about 20 minutes until Walter asked for company. Then Bella and I joined him. I was amazed at how a 20-minute change in the morning routine, this one-on-one time, made such a difference with Bella. She was happier (cuddlier) and ready to start the day with a positive attitude.

Opportunities for these types of small and proactive changes that lead to outsized positive results are all around us. Start to notice these subtle cues and see how you can turn them into positive parent-child moments.

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 (Editor's Note: The opinions in this article are those of Parents“R” Talking. The opinions are not medical advice. Always consult your pediatrician about any changes you are contemplating.)

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